Despite the countless years that I’ve dedicated to creative writing, I’ve never really considered myself as a creative person. Being creative requires room for error, an ongoing evolution of a trial-and-error process that I’m not so keen on taking. The only times that I’ve allowed myself to make mistakes is when I commit them intentionally – when I choose to free write, a technique that I often use when I encounter writer’s block or when I’m overwhelmed with intense emotions that beg the need to be articulated.

Making mistakes is something that I’m all too familiar with in my life, but at the same time, it is something that I try to veer away from at all costs. I am such a perfectionist in almost all areas of my life that sometimes I find myself stuck in the creative process, losing myself in the details of writing that I forget sometimes how creative writing is supposed to serve as merely an outlet for self-expression. Making mistakes is an act that I forgive myself for only when it is intentional – when the purpose of a fragmented essay requires the presence of errors to reflect how disorganized and incoherent I truly see myself. But when I bullet journal, my perfectionist personality surfaces; I get frustrated when there are creases on my bullet journal, when the ink of my pen bleeds onto pages, or when a letter accidentally morphs into another as I write freely. Because of the way that I am, I break the fundamental rules of bullet journaling and prefer to pencil in my ideas before committing permanence on paper.

How I bullet journal speaks volumes not only of my perfectionist personality, but also of my preference for rigidity, organization, and monochromatic colors. That is not to say that I am a dull, boring person, but rather, I feel the need to follow symmetry and order because these artistic elements are what I find beautiful.

I am not the most artistic person, so I rarely draw in my bullet journal. It takes painstaking time and effort to decorate my journal with colors and aesthetics, so I stick to just one type of drawing pen, two shades of gray highlighters, and a few illustrations here and there to mark the beginning of a month, a year, or a collection. My bullet journal is also very ambition-driven, with most of my entries geared toward my academic career as a psychologist-in-training and as an aspiring novelist.

Sometimes I envy those who bullet journal with such artistry that their bullet journals almost look as though it was pre-made. Some even practice calligraphy or hand-lettering, and it amazes me how precise each stroke is made that I wonder whether they also break the rule of allowing themselves to commit mistakes in their journal. But at the same time, it comes to my awareness that each bullet journal created by hand is so personalized in terms of content, process, and aesthetic that it reflects the creative mind’s personality in the same way my bullet journal reflects mine.

I can’t help feeling proud of everyone who dedicates their time to bullet journaling. Universally, it is safe to say that people who commit themselves to bullet journaling are trying to search for something in their lives, be it control, self-discipline, or a burst of creativity. There are those who have even gone beyond bullet journaling as a hobby, making it a theme for their blog the way my sister has done so, or even deciding to make it as their career path – hosting seminars and workshops on how to bullet journal, like a few of my friends do. Personally, I could never take bullet journaling as seriously as they do, which also speaks of my tendency to never fully commit to things. There are times when I have given up on bullet journaling, opting to buy a planner because I have lost all sense of what it means to partake in the artistic process. But the creative in me always returns to bullet journaling, which I’ve noticed are during the times when I’ve decided to pursue writing again. I suppose that’s the beauty of delving into the art that is bullet journaling; it reflects what stage you are in your life – whether you want to immerse yourself in creativity, imagination, or well-intentioned moments – and it serves as a reminder of who you really are and who you aspire to be.

Personally, bullet journaling reminds me that no matter how much of a perfectionist I can be, I am always going to return to my roots as a creative writer, even though I hardly see myself as that anymore. And with the freedom that comes in bullet journaling, no matter how I decide to design my spreads, creating pages in my bullet journal never fails to ignite something within, and mostly, for me anyway, it sparks a rebirth that I could never get from solely writing creative pieces. It is a rebirth that sets me on a path directing me to be the truest version of myself, and there are many facets of my personality that, though sometimes buried deep whenever I work, burst from the pages of my bullet journal, reminding me that what I once was, a creative writer, still rings true to this day.